Following this I was hoping to do a tweet up somewhere between JP Nagar and the hotel I am staying in, which is on Richmond Road. More details about this are awaited. I am crowdsourcing ideas. If you have any please leave comment below. A solution is desirable by tonight. Though please note that I have NEVER been to:
Please help. Thanks.
Many millions of people participated in The Dork Challenge. (Details in the post below.) They battled with clues most fiendish, questions most devious... all to win prizes most economical. A grand total of 26 people successfully completed the challenge. Of which I have chosen, using the random number generator on Google Docs, the following five winners:
Delhi Winners (Who will receive prizes on Monday at the Delhi book launch event, along with personalized hug):
1. Ashu Mittal (@ashumittal): The stupendously gorgeous Ashu is a photographer and certified expert in Lightroom and Acrobat. According to her Twitter profile.
2. Ashwin (your email starts with the word 'quizzing'): The handsome, valiant Ashwin had this to say in his prize application form: "Bastard. I know you'll pick three chicks." Ashwin as you can see, I have picked three chicks. Muahaha.
3. Sahil Rizwan (@SahilRiz): Sahil was the first to crack the quiz. He is also the author of the famed, movie review webcomic 'The Vigil Idiot'.
Non-Delhi Winners (Who will receive exactly as above. But the hug will be despatched separately.)
1. Kirtan Acharya, Mumbai, who still has not read the book. Therefore disqualified. Ok not really. Actually you have been disqualified. KIDDING. Oh but you have... No no.
2. Gomathy L, Bangalore, who is a long time Whatay reader and a Dork enthusiast. I am glad, Gomathy, to finally offer you some material reward for your ardent following.
I hope all the winners will be able to somehow cope with the staggering success that has been thrust upon them. You shall all receive individual notifications shortly.
In order to celebrate the Delhi launch of 'Dork: The Incredible Adventures of Robin 'Einstein' Varghese', I am proud to present The Dork Challenge. An online contest of such CAT-like intensity, that it will have you scratching your head with befuddlement.
Four secret, mysterious questions stand between you and a plethora of gifts.
STARTDORK
Plethora of gifts details:
But how to play this game? How to win fame, fortune and delectable reading material?
Clues are as follows:
But even if you don't win anything, you must still come for the Delhi launch thingie. And hug me.
Details here: Facebook Event Page.
Now kindly go find the code.
P.S. Don't cheat, share codes and tell everyone how to do this. That will merely create mass panic, wholesale plagiarism and system breakdown.
P.P.S. But then the book will go viral. Please tell everyone how to crack this.
Thanks to a peculiar turn of events, the only bookstore where you can get the book right now is in a Crossword in Jaipur. (Some Jaipur Lit. Fest supply chain outcome.)
But Penguin assures me that copies of Dork will be going out to all retailers, bookstores and online retailers starting tonight. Given that it takes a week to 10 days for the book to sort of propagate in the national wilderness, online pre-bookers need not worry. You should still get a copy, maybe even a signed one, before the local bookstore.
Indeed I spent the better part of a couple of hours at the Penguin office last night signing copious copies for Indiaplaza and Flipkart:
I should have some good news for foreign buyers soon. We all just suddenly realized a few days ago that Dork is not one of those only for sale in Nepal and Burma and Nauru type books. It can be shipped anywhere. We just need to find a shipper. Shortly.
Same for ebooks. The Penguin legal guys are having a look see.
Now for some events:
1. Delhi signings
Date: 30 January 2010
Location: Pragati Maidan, Hall 1, Penguin pavilion
Time: 3 PM onwards
Activity: Buy, sign, chat, hug, hand over cash etc, etc.
The Delhi launch, as in with dhol and gol gappa wala, is still being ideated. Details will be posted. That will have readings and such like. The one above is much more free form and agenda-less. Still come and buy a copy and say hello.
2. Bangalore readings/signings/limited sales
Date: 31 January 2010
Location: CPP Blocks, IIM Bangalore
Time: 12:30 - 13:30 PM
Activity: Discussion, readings, signings, questions, casual banter, stock of 50 books.
I will be in conversation with Praveen Gopal Krishnan who, I was told by him, is:
Praveen Gopal Krishnan is a member of the Student Media Cell in his first year at the Indian Institute of Management, Bangalore. Prior to his post-graduation, Praveen has worked as a research engineer, a programmer and as a journalist for the Economic Times. His articles have also appeared in Mint and Khaleej Times. In 2007, he co-founded Merchants of Drama – a theatre entertainment start-up and staged two full-length productions in Bangalore. At Merchants of Drama, Praveen primarily produced, directed and wrote plays for the stage. He also holds a degree in electronics engineering from the National Institute of Technology, Trichy.
Basically he is some form of local stud.
3. FM 104.8 Radio Meow. Shameless plug. Chatter.
Date: 1 February 2010
Location: Inside radio
Time: 5 - 7 PM
Activity: Chatter, phone in questions, intellectual debate
If you are stuck in Delhi traffic as much as I am you have surely heard the mellifluous voice of Ginnie Mahajan on the airwaves. She is the most vigorous and enthu radio jockey of Radio Meow. She will be talking to me, over two hours, about the book and other things. Phone in questions are part of the buffet of amusements. Call in. I am listening. Ahem.
4. Official Fultu JhingBang Mumbai Dork Launch
Date: 12 February 2010
Location: Kala Ghoda Environs
Time: 5 PM
Acitivity: TBD. But I am pushing for belly dancing office goers. Or, to look from another perspective, office going belly dancers.
Come come. This is the first big, star-studded Dork event of the year. We are still busy making sinister plans. But movie stars, celebs, page 3 icons and the odd book buyer is expected. Book sales will happen. And signings and whatnot. I have no idea what will transpire yet. But it will be debauchery indeed.
Otherwise so far things have been good. The few readers seem to like it. Let me put it this way. No one really hates it yet. Everyone has found something to laugh at in the course of the book. And surely there can be nothing as pleasing as that Yellow and Blue? No? No. Ok.
And finally I leave you with the beta version of the Dork poster. This has been despatched to stores and locations. The final 1.0 version has a slightly different text content right on top...
Saw the blurbs? Read them again. Carefully.
And that's all for now. Rest on Twitter, Facebook, etcetera.
Take care da peoples.
1. There is NO WAY you will miss the book in stores. This is the book you carry on planes so they can see you in the dark and rescue you. So don't lie. Don't.
2. I assume there will be some dilution of the yellows and blues when the actually printing happens. Or maybe not. Carry sunglasses.
3. Everything on the soft-board serves a purpose. Plot-wise.
4. There is some fun stuff on the back. I will post that piece up shortly.
5. Robin is a coconut oil kind of guy.
Ok bye. I need to do some Facebook thingie.
Launching books is hard work.
The second press release, with even more rules for the office, went out today.
As the release mentions, you can do a bunch of things now:
1. Join the Facebook group
2. Check out the Twitter handle
3. Pre-book a signed copy, at a 20% discount, from Indiaplaza. Rs.159. Whatay awesomeness.(Though I have no idea how many orders they will take.)
Thanks to the first press release, Twitter, Facebook and Shashi Tharoor tweeting out a link to one of my Cricinfo columns, the Dork juggernaut has progressed from neutral to, err, second gear. Things are getting, how shall I put it, buzzy. So now for a round-up of all the action.
1. Press Release
The marketing folk at Penguin put out the first press release two weeks ago. A teaser poster went out to many press types and some web-site editor types. The release is below:
The text in the poster is as follows:
***
From the desk of Robin 'Einstein' Varghese
Business Process Analyst - Trainee
Einstein's Office Theorems (Part 1)
Dork: The Incredible Adventures of Robin 'Einstein' Varghese by Sidin Vadukut.
Out February 2010, Penguin Books India.
***
Second press release this weekend.
2. Media References
Dork also got a couple of plugs in the press thanks to HT Brunch, Asian Age and Deccan Chronicle.
Dork: The Incredible Adventures of Robin ‘Einstein’ Varghese by Sidin Vadukut, is a laugh-out-loud story about a loser who ends up winning.
Two of India's funniest bloggers have books coming out in 2010. Sidin Vadukut's Dork: The Incredible Adventures of Robin 'Einstein' Varghese is about a loser making it to the top of the corporate ladder...
(Scroll down to the Books page. The mention is in the blurb. The other one mention my dear friend Greatbong's new book.)
Radio/TV/Web and other plugs are expected closer to launch. If you have any ideas, pluggable positions, ideas do drop a line. Details at the end of post.
3. Dates
The book is 'scheduled' to go on sale on January 30th at the 19th New Delhi World Book Fair. In New Delhi.
Ha.
Some details here. Basically it will go on sale at the fair at Pragati Maidan and, I have been told, simultaneously in book stores all over the place. Copies should be kept somewhere prominent at the Penguin pavilion. I have no idea if the situation will be conducive to signing or readings. But as we get closer to the date I'll make some for of arrangement. Of some kind.
But by and large all readings and other activities especially in non-Delhi locations are scheduled from the first week of February. I've been told it is a bad time with many book launches. But I am prepared to slog it out. As long as I get leave at least.
And an audience. Gulp.
4. Price and size
The book will be available for sale at Rs.199. (99% sure.). It will be 240 pages long. (+/- acknowledgements and misc.) It will be approx. 5 inches wide by 8 inches high. I think. I can never put my head around book cover measurements. Especiall non-metric ones. The cover design is complete. In shocking yellow and blue. To put it mildly. The press release above should give sufficient clues.
I'll post out the cover over the weekend.
5. Excerpts
While there is still hectic planning happening over potential excerpting options, two have been fixed. A longish excerpt right from the beginning of the book, plus a essay on writing your first novel will appear in Mint Lounge very soon indeed. (Very very very very excited.)
Another one is scheduled to appear in an in-flight magazine. February issue I am guessing.
A couple of online excerpts are in the works as well. But will know solid plans only in another week.
Of course you can expect a few excerpts on Whatay.com. All in due course.
6. Contests
Plenty of contest ideas are in the works. Trying to close a couple of them over this weekend. And I want to give out more than just signed books but some other, less enjoyable, gifts as well. Let us cross our collective fingers and hope.
7. Pre-booking/Alerts
The wonderful people at Flipkart.com allow you to drop an email address and be alerted when the book comes in stock. Go here.
If you want signed copies you could go and fill up a form I've made here. Depending on how many people respond and locations, I will make every human effort to fly over and sign copies, or ship signed copies to you.
Wait another two weeks and another major online retailer SHOULD be putting up signed copies for sale.
(All this is valid for India only. It is way too early to say when it will be available outside India. UK and EU looks good. US not so much. Kindle and other ebook platforms I have no idea man. The geek in me wants to do it. The accountants at Penguin will probably want to wait and watch.)
So that's the scene right now. If you work in a media outlet or even a marketing savvy firm that want's to do an interview/event or a contest around the Dork release, drop me a line on sidin@whatay.com. Or tweet/Facebook me. I would be glad to help you. So that you can do something. That will sell the book. That will make me rich. And provide my wife with copious solitaires.
For the last several months Whatay.com has been suffering silently. Why? Because Dork: The Incredible Adventures of Robin ‘Einstein’ Varghese has been the cynosure of my non-office creative pursuits. Dork, as I have begun to refer to it lovingly, is the book.
The book.Yes. High fives all round.
Dork was the thing I referred to sheepishly when people asked what I’d been doing with this writing business for the last four years. “Where is your book dude?” blog readers would ask. I’d squirm and hem and haw impatiently.
You see this publishing business is slow. Slow and nerve wracking. Slow and nerve wracking and soul-draining. But it is awesome when it happens.
And now that the book is at advanced stage of completion, I think it is time we had a long talk. Sit down. Espresso? Good.
So sometime in early 2006, I decided to shed my MBA ways and become a freelance writer. I immediately started work on a manuscript. I went about it in a very mongol-like fashion. No plans, no contracts, no ideas; just long, sleepless night of typing and retyping. I made up the plot as I went along.
Four months later, in May 2006, I had a complete manuscript. And then I realized, while re-reading it for the fourth or fifth time, that it didn’t have a single joke in it. I mean it had jokes in it. But it was largely like the hygiene humour bits in the first twenty minutes of slasher movies.
Ha Ha Ha Stab. Ha Ha Stab. Ha Stab. Stab Stab Stab Stab. Nude scene.
It was not a sad book. Or a tragedy. Just that it didn’t have any joy in it.
And really, here we are all about the joy no?
Thus I decided. This would not be my first book. Maybe second. Ideally fifth. But not first. I just didn’t see it being my debut novel. (Not that I had a single publisher returning calls at the time. Not like there were editors clamouring at the door. But still.)
The book was saved away somewhere on the web. (It still doesn’t have a name. But it has a wonderful character name that I am proud of.)
I moved on from the “book project” and deflected all questions about it deftly. No point in approaching it without a plan, I told myself. Perhaps I should sell an idea to a publishing house first. Have a chat with a few commissioning editors. Draw up a chapter outline. Make a list of characters. Do what proper authors said they did in all those “books podcasts“.
Flightless avian
Also I was quite exhausted after the first manuscript. And mildly pained that I had gone about it all wrongly.
Months passed. Maybe a year. Till a moment of epiphany happened. At the Marine Plaza Hotel, on Marine Drive, in Mumbai. More specifically, around one of the corner tables at Geoffrey’s pub.
Friends from London were down, and joining us was the great Total. Total is a dear friend and a brutal observational comic. You laugh first, understand later and break down in tears eventually.
“Dude what happened to your book da?” Total asked. I broke down in tears. I told him about the manuscript in cryogenic storage. “Machi, you should at least see if you can sell some of your blog posts as some form of anthology. And a few of your columns and all. People will buy da. Try try.” Total was incessant. So I went back home thinking: “Why not? Not everyone in the world read my blog. Some people might actually pick up a copy. Yes it was reusing free content. But wasn’t Scott Adams trying the same blog book stunt? So why not? Nothing to lose.”
Eventually I decided I’d pad the book up with 25% new content. So, in a worst case scenario, at least the few thousand blog readers would pick it up. There was wind in my sails again. The loins were girdled. I took a full print-out of the blog, every post, and the missus and I began to sit down and sort. And edit. And rewrite.
But unlike last time, this time I went with a plan. I had emailed a bunch of bloggers for publishing contacts while starting the first book. And this time decided to email all of these leads asking for advice. One of them, a prominent writer of and about books, was also now heading a new publishing house. And I knew someone who knew someone who knew her. I tugged at this network.
Prominent Writer cum publisher wrote back! “Of course we’d like to do a book with you. Your blog is good. What ideas do you have?”
Joy! Ecstacy! Celebration!
I told her about the anthology idea. She seemed excited. Not thrilled. But interested. A thick batch of edited posts and columns was shipped out. I waited. (Notice how I stopped following up with any other publisher. But then I was going through the “beggar not chooser” phase. So…)
She responded a few days later. “Like the work. Like the style. It is funny. But the format is problematic. The tone doesn’t work in an anthology format.” She suggested I try working on a fresh novel idea. A full length, new novel. Maybe based on campus culture or MBA lifestyle. What about an MBA murder mystery? That was a new one no?
After my bitter experience with the first manuscript, I was quite miffed by all this. I was just beginning to think this anthology idea was good. And that I could have the finished product in a few months time. Thinking, conceptualizing and writing a fresh novel would take so long. BUT I WANT TO BE PUBLISHED RIGHT NOW! I WANT TO SEE MY NAME IN THE IMAX WADALA CROSSWORD RIGHT NOW! WHAT IS WRONG WITH EVERYBODY IN PUBLISHING!
I mailed back Prominent Writer promising to think about her advice. I would send her a list of plot possibilities and she could tell me which ones would work. Slightly demoralized and more than a little pained, I picked up the whole blog anthology print out and sat with the missus looking for ideas for a novel.
And we saw it instantly. An old blog post that just might survive being expanded into a full novel. (NO. NOT TRAVAILS. NO. Thanks.)
The tone of this blog post was odd. The voice quirky. The premise somewhat innovative. I mailed Prominent Writer an excited email. I think, I told her, that we could pull this off. And it wasn’t that experimental, because we had proof of concept: there was this very popular series of British humour novels somewhat along this line. And then I waited.
A few days later the email came. “Let’d do this! I like the idea! We’ll pay you ___ rupees for it plus royalties. When can you deliver?”
Brain exploded with joy. Finally I was going to graduate from writer to author. Sure it was a small, low profile imprint. Not a Penguin or a Harper or a Random House. But it was a start. Some people asked me to talk to the bigger brands as well, jostle for more money. At least see if anybody else was interested in talking about the idea. I decided not to. Still begging, not choosing. “Send me the contract!” I emailed back.
A bizarre series of events happened after that. Now when I look back it seems all providential. But at the time it drove me insane.
The first draft of the contract had my address wrong. I sent it back. The second draft of the contract had my name spelt wrong. Sent it back. And the third draft of the contract had my PAN number wrong. I was livid. “How can you guys edit my whole book, if you can’t make a 10-page contract correctly? This is MY NAME goddammit!”
At which point they just fell off the radar. Prominent Writer stopped replying to emails. Her subordinates at the publishing house stopped replying to emails. Phone calls went unanswered. And I had three copies of the contract with assorted typos in my cupboard. But by then I had started work on Dork. And was pushing through a few thousand words each week. It was coming along nicely. But the deathly silence from my publisher was killing me. Not a single rupee had changed hands yet and no contract was signed. Three months later, sometime in October 2008, I realized that perhaps the project had fallen through.
My book was jinxed. Sob.
Which is when the missus made a stunning entry. Stage right. Screaming motivationally. Loving toughly. “Go talk to the other publishers good man! Take your 30,000 word long semi-manuscript and peddle it. Peddle it like your life and my future interior designing consultancy depends on it. Go go!”
So I did. All November I cleaned up the 30,000-word Dork draft and collected contacts at Penguin, Harper, Random House and so on. In December 2008, just before taking a week off to relocate to Delhi, I sent out emails to all of them:
I have this book idea. It almost got contracted with Prominent Writer. Would you guys want to have a look? Please?
Two editors, including one at Penguin I found on LinkedIn, wrote back. Send us a copy. We’d like to have a look. I did. I was very, very excited. This was Penguin and *Other Big House*. What if this worked out?
I mailed out massive PDFs and then waited patiently over the Chirstmas and New Year holidays. Meanwhile we moved to Delhi. Missus was very hopeful and optimistic. I was less so.
On the 5th of January Penguin emailed back. They liked what they saw. But what was going to happen next? How would I wrap up the story?
A flurry of emails went back and forth. A week later Penguin made an offer. I accepted. (I told you this no?) (Other Big House reverted later too. But by then I’d given my word, if not stamp paper, to Penguin.)
Three months, many sleepless nights and two re-writes later, I submitted a 70,000 word manuscript to Penguin on 30th March 2009. Just a week behind contracted schedule. There was a minor hiccup as my assigned editor quit the flightless avian. But a splendid new one came in and picked the project up very smoothly. The initial feedback was good, my editor liked the book. thought it would work well and called me over to the Penguin office in Panchsheel Park to discuss edits and corrections.
Screenshot of Dork One title page
In that meeting we lightly touched upon the idea of sequels. Did I see the incredible Robin Varghese sustaining more stories? Did his character have longevity? It seemed to everyone involved that the book had adequate sequel potential. In the last week of June I sent them a proposal for two sequels, to make up the Robin Varghese trilogy.
While Penguin debated the sequel ideas internally two things happened: further rewriting on the original manuscript, and I hired a literary agent to handle contracts and paperwork. (In a moment of splendid genius I lost the first cheque Penguin sent me for Book One. Not a good move. I told my agent I will do nothing but write and email. The rest, including moneys, was upto them. Mita agreed graciously.)
In October Penguin sent a proposal for Books 2 and 3. By then we also decided to call it the Dork Trilogy. Because, you know, Robin Varghese is a dork. Last month I signed 95% of the contract for the sequels. (Two pages had typos and I need to sign them separately.)
Meanwhile Dork One will go to press in another two to three weeks.
So what is Dork One about?
Dork is about offices, office culture, naive employees, one love life, two YouTube videos, thousands of ball bearings, some dogs… But most of all it is about Robin ‘Einstein’ Varghese. And ball bearings. But wait. That is too cryptic. Let me make it a little easier for you to figure out. The following image shows the 200 non-regular worlds that appear most frequently in the manuscript. Bigger size, means greater frequency. See if you can figure out what the book is about:
Book-cloud
Now for some quick Dork facts in jaunty QnA format:
Q: Is it a campus novel?
A: No. Well there is one chapter of campus-ness. But otherwise no.
Q: Do I need to have an MBA to “get it”?
A: No. Not at all. I’ve checked. High school education is sufficient but not necessary.
Q: How many pages does it have?
A: Around 240 I think. In nice readable font. Some white spaces here and there.
Q: So this is definitely auto-biographical right?
A: 60% of what happens in Dork is based on things I’ve seen or heard about. The rest is made up. Crazy shit.
Q: When do we get to buy it?
A: Last week of January 2010. Delhi first. I think.
Q: How much will it cost?
A: Secret. But cheap enough to not buy it from a traffic signal. I hope. No, but quite cheap.
Q: How many ball bearings are in it?
A: Thousands. Maybe millions. I stopped counting at one point. They are critical to the plot.
Q: There is a plot?
A: Good question. Maybe.
Q: I’ve never read your blog. Are there lots of in-jokes?
A: Welcome. No. There aren’t any in-jokes you won’t get. But blog regulars will know when they are getting a hat-tip or two. Irrelevant to plot.
Q: And when does Dork Two and Dork Three come out?
A: Don’t know yet. But in gaps of 9-12 months I think. I’ve started work.
Q: I live abroad. I want to buy Dork. Will I be able to?
A: I think so. Penguin is doing something. Fingers crossed.
Q: You’ve already sold movie rights haven’t you?
A: Nope. Not yet. Interested?
Q: Office culture?! Means no sex or violence?
A: Little bits of both. But nothing to scare the kids away. Except the language. There is bad language.
Q: I know a friend’s friend called Robin Varghese…
A: Not based on him.
Q: But he is a real dork…
A: Not based on him.
Q: But he also works in an office…
A: Stop it Robin.
Q: Wait. What does “Dork” really mean?
A: A quirky, naive, socially inept person. Not unintelligent. Just a little odd. Out of touch.
Q: So you’ve started giving interviews, releasing excerpts and all?
A: Soon. I had to start with a detailed note on Whatay.com first no? International media splurge is being planned. Perhaps FIFA 2010 World Cup sponsorship. Imagine.
Q: How do you pronounce Dufresne?
A: Doo-frayne
Q: Cover design?
A: Yet to be finalized. The general idea is to go minimalist.
Q: Nervous?
A: Shitting bricks man.
Q: Any message for your blog readers?
A: You guys made it happen. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. Thank you.
